This is really long I know–But I do not apologize. Nor do I force you to read this.

What you do know is that this past Sunday (March 23, 2008) was Easter Sunday. But what you don’t know is that lately I’ve been tired—really tired. All I’ve wanted to do lately is sleep. I’m not sure why, just am. The mixing of these two ingredients may shift the chaff from the wheat, or you might say that it really shows where a person’s heart really stands. So this weekend I was faced somewhat of a choice: go to church Easter Sunday, or stay home and sleep. Not much of a choice to debate I know . . . there is no question about what any God Fearing Christian should do in this situation. Even though I could have come up with a long, long list of excuses of why I shouldn’t go to church on the Sunday that Christ rose and conquered death—I chose to do the right thing and not make excuses. Boy am I glad I chose the right thing to do on such a day as this!

Sleeping in till nearly 11 AM and not going to church was just flat out glorious! I was tired. I rested. Isn’t that what you are suppose to do on the Lord’s Day? So here I am, exhausted from life, discouraged, wondering why I waste my life doing this Burn thing, just wishing I could have more of a life, wishing I could go back home to Papua New Guinea, not understanding why I am the way I am, not understanding why God let me become a third cultured missionary kid (TCK or an MK). I woke up thinking that my life is stupid and that there has to me more to this thing we call God, and I’m probably also slightly annoyed that I know everything else in the world leaves me unsatisfied because that only leaves me with one option—God.

Sleeping in is slightly unusual for me on a Sunday—not to mention an Easter Sunday. But with unusual days come unusual things. I think it gives God some extra room to speak. Instead of him saying what you would expect him to be saying on a day like Easter—I won’t put the words in his mouth because I really don’t know what he might have said to the rest of mankind today, I wasn’t on the page—He is able to say what He needs you to hear. Read more

We’re just a bunch of foolish people who are so stupid that we actually believe that if we praise the name of God he will drawn men unto him. We are so dumb that we actually believe what the bible says. We are so far gone that we are so sure that sitting in an empty room at 3 am screaming “Reign! Reign! You Reign O Lord” is the best use of our times. We actually think that if we wait upon the Lord that he will come and act on our behalf. So we wait and we waste our lives before the throne, at the feet of our king because we have nothing else to live for. We have tasted the fruits of this world and it has done nothing but brought us death and has left us unsatisfied; where else can we turn but to Him who has life? We sit and wait and with every strum, and with every strike of the key, we become more and more expectant as we say “Come! Come! Come!” With every minute that passes we begin to believe even more that Christ will come and he will reign upon the earth!

Let’s take over the world . . . let’s sit in a room, on a street corner, in a slum, in the dark and broken places and take the land back for our King by waiting and declaring “God. Father. You are great. All Powerful. Majestic. Holy. Worthy. You are the Name above all Names. Praise you Father. Praise you Jesus. Come Holy Spirit. There is none like you.”  And we will wait and we will win. Only a fools believe that…

Even from the darkest prison cells we will still be taking the land. If they they spill our blood and take our lives our blood will cry out from the ground to the Lord and He will come and take the land. We are invincible for our life is now in Him. Who can be against us and stand? Who?

I will waste my life. I will wait.

While meditating on Psalms 24:4a, I was asking God how one could have a pure heart? How is it that I can turn wholeheartedly toward Him? I was asking what a pure heart is and how I can keep the motives of my heart pure so that the work of my hands will be clean to the eyes of the Lord. How can put myself in to building the Burn in Denver without mistakenly build something out of my own ambition, or desire for recognition?

Then God revealed to me that when I start operating out of my love for him, and in the knowledge of his love for me, then I would be working out of a pure heart. But when I operate out of trying to earn his love by having a big ministry, selfish motives come into play. I start competing against others as I jealously try to earn God’s love. I am so often insecure when it comes to accepting and believing in the Love of our Father. So I work hard so that maybe, just maybe, God will notice me and Love me. I become jealous of others—wanting to be better than them and go further than them because I want God to love me. And how could he love me when someone else over there has some grand ol’ ministry and is doing great things for God?

I believe that jealousy, and striving against one another for position, and the individualist mindset that seizes so many, leading people to despair and ruin, is rooted in the lack of understanding of the love of God. God does not care how big your ministry is, or how many mission trips you went on, or how long it took you to go 24/7 in you city, or for how long it lasted. God primarily wants a heart that loves him and desire to know him. That is different than any one ministry or job position in life.

As we grow in the revelation of his whole, pure, and secure love—allowing us to stop jockeying for his affection—we are able to function out of our love for him, making the motives of our hearts to be pure, and the works of our hands clean.

Yesterday, January 3rd, I woke up quite nauseas and I was soon vomiting up all that was left in my empty stomach-water. After the first round of vomiting into my sink, I knew that something wasn’t quite right. I’ve fasted before and have never felt sick in the morning and it has never gotten to the point of vomiting. The quite little voice in my head kept saying “you need to eat, you need to eat, you need to eat . . .” Now whether it was the Holy Spirit or the demon on my shoulder trying to make me stumble I’m not sure. But I know that all wisdom said, and everything I have read and heard about fasting said, “If you start vomiting then eat.” Well my strong and prideful flesh and soul said, “No. No. NO. I’m not going to eat.” As this battle of voices in my head went on for a while I decided some banana would probably be a good idea. It wasn’t. After a bite, the banana and a few sips of water I had just downed up-ed itself again. Back to square one with my spirit saying eat and my pride saying no. My common sense won and I had some toast, which immediately settled my stomach.

I walked out of my house scratching my head, and cradling my broken soulish pride when I saw a crow (or raven) that stood about 2 feet tall picking apart what appeared to be some carcass. I shivered at the sight and I heard God saying “If you don’t turn to me with a whole heart you too will be eaten by darkness.” More shivers, much concern, and many doubts about how well I was hearing God that day. Throughout my drive to work, work, and my drive home I was concerned and wondering what the Spirit was saying (besides the obvious right?). Once home I quieted myself and I came across Psalms 118:5: “Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free.” David cried out to God out of his distress! Not out of his strength or pride or surplus, and it was when David cried out of distress that God broke in and answered. Yet here I was fasting not out of distress and despair with the situation at hand but because I wanted God’s favor and power and revelation behind what I wanted-not what he desired. I was fasting because I had the luxury to fast-despair did not drive me to fast. I was not looking at the current state of my life, my friends, my city, my nation, our world in distress, but I was saying, “hey cool we are gonna do this 24-7 thing and God’s gonna come break in with all of his might and glory and . . . it is gonna be great!” I was not coming before God broken and overwhelmed crying out to him because of my complete lack and need for him. I was not coming with realization of the total depravity of my humanity. Yet, it is only because of Christ that I literally wake each morning and continue to live to see each hour, and it is the Almighty God who “gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding” (Dan 2:21). How foolish I am.

I started to pray, and as I prayed, I fell asleep. As I slept I started having dreams-none of which I remember-but I remember coming in and out of sleep praying that the we (the entirety of mankind) would have a revelation of our complete depravity so that we would be able to turn to the Father with a whole heart so that we would not be consumed. Over and over again I cried out to heaven that He would give us the realization of our extreme need and dependency on Him. I cried out that he would open the eyes to the dust that we truly are. As I dreamt and prayed I came to the realization that it is not until we learn of our depravity can we learn of the heart of the Father. We cannot fully grasp onto or be given the heart of the Father until we come before him is desperation and humility.

If I go out and build 24-7 prayer in Denver without the heart of the Father it will be nothing but a bunch of busy noise in the atmosphere that will do nothing but take up space. 24-7 worship and prayer will bear no fruit unless it is 100% birthed from the desires of the Fathers heart. And the heart of the Father is that his people would have His heart and walk in communion with him. That is what the Burn is about. It is about coming before him out of our weakness and need for him-crying out day and night because we don’t know what else to do . . . in this state we inherit the King’s heart, or at least a deeper revelation of it. Once we have his heart we can do nothing else but come before him in humility and despair because of the brokenness of the people we walk by each and everyday. We will only see a shifting and a change when we realize that the luxury that we live in nothing but rust! If we want to see a turning that we must truly realize the need for change, which means we have to see the darkness in the land! Our eyes must be open to our complete depravity! What would compel a man to come broken and humble before the Father with prayer and fasting if there is no realization of need?

The Father is looking for humble and contrite hearts-that is what he wants. He could careless if I found ten trillion dollars on a tree and hired 4000 people to pray and worship 24-7 for the next millennium if we were only rending our time, and money, and not our heart. In fact I bet he would say. “If I were hungry, would I not tell you for the world and its fullness are mine” (Psalms 50:12).

Folks . . . maybe I’m just talking about my own pride on this one, but if we do not turn from self-idolatry and praise of man with despair and the knowledge of our depravity with a whole heart-our flesh will become food for the ravens.